Fear at 40 feet

A couple of weeks ago our division had a "morale" day at one of those high-ropes courses. The course had a wide assortment of obstacles to cross while standing atop platforms 40 ft in the air. From the ground, it just looked like alot of fun. Besides, everyone had helmets and harnesses connected to 10,000 lb test cables, so nothing could go wrong, right?

Not until you get up there. I was amazed how just as soon as I finished climbing up the 40 ft rope ladder and looked down at the ground below me, how unsure of myself I was. It didn't help that I tweaked my ankle in some earlier games on the grass so was pretty unsure of putting any weight on it. Now I had to cross 20 foot spans like a tightrope walker, with nothing between me and the ground besides my shaky feet? I don't think so! There were all kinds of stations to climb to, spread out like a rope and wood and wire spiderweb amongst the trees. I caught my bearings for about 5 minutes. During that time I seriously questioned what I was doing up there.

When we were on the ground, the instructors told us the purpose of the activites was to become more aware of our inner monologues. My inner monologue was pretty apparent at this point: Find a way to get down as quickly as possible! I was surprised at how shaky I was and how little confidence I had. I was blaming it all on my bum ankle, figuring that "I'm injured, so I get a free pass. But if I wasn't injured, I'd be all over this."

Well, long story short, I stayed up on those ropes for about 3 hours (and was one of the last to come down). I started very tentatively at first, doing the easiest passes two and three times to build up my confidence. Then I began stretching my confidence and my abilities. My ankle did keep me from doing some of the transfers, like doing a running jump from one platform, grabbing a rope and swinging like tarzan to the other...just too much jumping and landing...but I was able to do just about everything else. It was a great time.

Interestingly that afternoon has really stuck with me for these past few weeks. It's hard to explain exactly how or where, but it's made me aware how much I "play it safe" instead of confidently putting myself out there. It's helped me to catch myself doing that, and be more bold, assertive, confident, proactive when I need to be. The most interesting thing is, would you have asked me 3 weeks ago where my self-confidence is on a scale of 1-10, I'd have probably said "8". After the ropes course, I realize it might not be as high as I thought in all situations...but now I'm aware of them. OK the rambling has begun. Time to cut this one off...